Chemistry and dating

Direct eye-contact can be intimidating, even uncomfortable if you hold it for too long… As a general rule, I recommend not holding someone’s eyes for longer than a few seconds to avoid creeping them out.

You need to space things out, to give the tension room to grow.

Going from banter to banter to banter can be exhausting emotionally; you end up feeling as though you’re constantly having to be on guard rather than letting yourself relax and enjoy each other’s company.

The take-away actually works to your favor by creating a vacuum. The uncertainty, the feeling as though you’re getting closer then having it pulled away, builds the overal desire towards its resolution. There are various ways, depending on what it is you’re doing.

The tension is even more notable by its absence, leading the other person to want to fill it. I’m a fan of playful flirting with just a hint of antagonism.

It’s the building of expectations that makes the sudden drop immediately afterwards so satisfying; just launching into the ride – the way some coasters do – is less satisfying.

When people – usually guys – talk about “the thrill of the chase” in dating, they’re talking about the lead up to the “conquest”, the heady feeling of inevitability that grows like an orgasm to a crescendo before you reach the point of no return.

This falls nicely into the push-pull dynamic: the fight building tension then the release of the compliment and changing the subject – in this case, effected by a cut to a new scene.

In practice, you want to cut the conversational thread and move on to another topic – one unrelated to what you were just discussing and one that doesn’t immediately lead to another verbal fencing match.

The eyes can be a potent source of non-verbal sexual communication; they can lend a sexual subtext without having to actually say a word.

To start with: just because the triangle gaze is a way of telling whether your date is interested in kissing you doesn’t mean that you can’t use it There’s a lot of discussion on how to communicate sexual desire through a glance – such as visualizing what you want to do to your date while smiling and looking into their eyes – but I’m a fan of strategic intense eye contact.

If the pressure grows past a certain point, the tank ruptures; the valve is there to equalize the pressure, keeping it just below the danger zone.