From his own personal experience, Armstrong says moving through divorce provided him with outward perspective and motivation.Not only does he see the bigger picture now, but he knows that he wants someone to share it with.
As a single dad wading back into the dating pool, Daniel Ruyter was surprised how many women lost interest when he revealed, always in the first conversation, that he had a son."At first I took it personally," said the Orlando, Fla., information technology analyst, who was 32 when he divorced and got joint custody of his then 5-year-old son."I found it very arbitrary that before they got to know me, they had decided against me."But as Ruyter cycled through "close to 100" first dates and a few long-term girlfriends (a scheduling feat, considering half his week was devoted to his son), his romantic standards heightened in ways they may not have pre-fatherhood.For the average single woman, this means you could be sitting across the table from a man who has learned to adapt so that he does not repeat his previous mistakes.“Generally, there is a tendency to be aware of what did not work in the past,” Bahar explains.Fran qualifies, “One divorce under a person's belt is a good credential for learning about relationships, including what works and what does not.
Any more than one failed marriage may be a red flag of trouble in that person's personality structure and character.” One of the biggest gifts of a finalized divorce (besides a new lease on life) is the gift of appreciation.episode, but there’s nothing funny about a guy who ghosts you after the third date.As Lisa Bahar, MA, CCJP, LMFT, LPCC, of Lisa Bahar Marriage and Family Therapy, Inc., confirms, divorced men may be better in this respect because they have learned the reality of commitment.Chris Armstrong, divorced man, certified relationship coach and owner of Maze of Love, calls this phenomenon the “internal clarity of self,” explaining, “'I went into my marriage not knowing who I was or what I needed or wanted in a lifelong partner’ — says nearly every person that got married and eventually divorced.Now, I know what makes me tick, how I show up when something is bothering me and what traits I absolutely require in a partner.” At the end of the day, you can tell that a man has learned and moved on from his divorce when he has a broader perspective and “doesn’t sweat the small stuff,” says Masini.He broke off one relationship because her dream of a downtown condo didn't fit with his need for a yard and swing set.