“My daughter was interested in this nice Christian boy, but he strung her along for a year and a half.
The next one did too.” Or, “Jeremy acted like they were friends but she told me later that they were hooking up on the side.” With that kind of dismal dating culture at play, let’s consider the options: First, there’s “Duggar Dating.” Duggar dating is the modern-day form of arranged marriages.
You can’t maintain 10 flirty friendships and expect to make space in your heart for one awesome husband or wife.
And unless someone’s making arrangements for you, it’s worth spending at least a little bit of time with the person before you decide if they are worth marrying. But it’s foolish to think that the way a girl or guy acts in a group of friends is the same as how they’ll act one on one.
Dating helps two people sort out what it would be like to be together, to be in a friendship.
These Christian dating misconceptions might sound funny, but they can have devastating effects on someone’s love life, keeping them isolated, lonely, and misinformed.
The truth is that the Bible really doesn’t give us any clear guidelines for dating.
I don’t have first-hand knowledge, but thanks to reality TV, I believe it appears to involve asking the woman’s dad if she is available to date, and possibly not kissing until the actual wedding.
Outside the Duggar-verse, there is the less overt but just as prevalent “ideal spouse” dating. Did she want my sweatshirt because she was cold, or because she likes me?
Most of marriage involves time together, one on one, in a friendship.
And spending intentional one-on-one time—not too serious, just time—allows both parties to experience what it would be like to continue in the relationship.
In fact, dating, as we know it, has existed for less than a century.
Before our modern dating norms, there was the strict system of courtship in which few even got to choose who they married—dating occurred after marriage.
At the opposite extreme, there is “Faux Christian Dating”—in which young Christians have no idea what to do with dating, so they avoid it. “Hanging out” leads to all kinds of mixed feelings. Stop evaluating whether the new girl at church is hot enough and “low-maintenance” enough for your liking.