I couldn’t her to flirt: I couldn’t force her to do what she wasn’t comfortable doing.
This naturally leads to people wanting to endlessly discuss all kinds of topics (how many times have you heard the pseudo-expression “let’s keep an open dialogue”? And that opens the door for more and more discussions. I first eased into “safe” and boring topics like work and travel.One night I had a date with a cute 29-year-old American girl. At some point we began talking about dating and she told me a story about her feminist friend who’s doing a Ph D on “cat calling.” I used that opportunity to ease further into other sexual topics. We were sitting across from each other, drinking beers and openly discussing various sexual topics.The girl was strongly into the discussion, so I had to keep chugging along, listening to her viewpoints and, in exchange, share with her my own opinions.It felt completely unnatural to drop the discussion and transition into emotional flirting.I mentioned how I don’t believe in not having sex before marriage because I view sex as a fundamental part of any relationship (I mentioned at least 50%).
I also mentioned that if you didn’t have mind-blowing sex, you are greatly missing out.Discussion is more or less a mode of exchanging your thoughts and ideas with a person whom you don’t yet know well. If you have a set of opinions, opinions that have already been validated by talking to lots of other people (or because you’ve already witnessed other people on TV having these opinions), then you have a certain level of confidence that your opinions are correct.One of the reasons why you never cross this invisible wall that separates a rational discussion and irrational flirting is because of insecurity. You have no problems sharing those opinions with others.If it’s a news program, then the endless talk will about current events.If it’s a political talk show, then they’ll discuss politics, economics or foreign policy to death.Again, I expected her to get a little uncomfortable, but, to my surprise, she boldly began sharing her opinions on this subject as thought she had discussed exactly this topic countless times before. It’s the fact that I wanted to genuinely flirt—flirt without all the politically correct bullshit on subjects that have already been discussed ad naseum—but I couldn’t.