And the women are not crazy about the men's secret Internet porn lives. Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. Also, most men a single woman meets have been separated or divorced for about 20 minutes. Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dull, sort of like real life.
) A strangely high number of them mention that they hope you've left your baggage at the airport -- because, I guess, they are all well! Eight new guys arrived every day, along with a remnants section of men who lived pretty far away.
Some of my eight guys were handsome, if you could believe their profiles, and in my case the profiles tended to be pretty legitimate.
They like to think that they are "closest to Buddhism," and "open to the magic that is all around us." They are "people-people." They are "open-minded and welcome all viewpoints." They are rarely seeking religious nuts like myself -- rather, they are seeking open, non-judgmental women.
(The frequent reference to wanting a non-judgmental woman makes a girl worry: What if you're pretty non-judgmental, but then Larry Craig asks you out for coffee, or Buzz Bissinger, and little by little, more is revealed?
So I didn't give up, even when that day's date had an unbuttoned tropical shirt, or explained that there is no real difference between Republicans or Democrats. The only iffy answer on his questionnaire was that he was "middle of the road." I dropped him a line. It means the person is Tea Party but would consent to getting laid by a not-hysterical liberal, which rules me out. We went out four times in rapid succession, for coffee, lunches, a hike.
Sam told me not to give up, that I would meet a guy who was worthy of me, quote unquote. One of the bad coffee dates was a kingly little man who bore an unfortunate resemblance to Antonin Scalia, complete with tasseled loafers, who was snotty and disappointed until he figured out that I was a real writer. I saw the profile of a handsome religious man, who had graduate degrees, a great sense of humor, and did not look like Antonin Scalia. A man with a graduate degree, great sense of humor, spiritual but not religious, wrote to say he loved my work and felt we were kindred souls. He was very sweet and open, but had a compulsive Beavis and Butt-head laugh. We had chemistry, laughed a lot, sent lots of emails. I thought, in my mature and/or delusional way, that this would come, but it didn't.A 60-year-old man does not fantasize about a 60-year-old woman. I went onto with a clear knowledge that relationships are not the answer to lifelong problems. But I have come to learn that this means they think of themselves as friendly.They are "glass half-full kind of people." That's very nice.Part of me didn't believe them -- this guy knew we weren't on But then I got it, that my horrible friends were right, and he didn't feel physical with me. I wrote to him, with my email voice high in my throat, saying that maybe it wasn't going to happen, and maybe we should take a break while I went out of town. We stayed in touch by email while I was gone, for a couple of weeks. He asked me out to lunch, and we had an easy, entertaining time. I asked him if he wanted to go for a hike Thanksgiving morning, before the hordes and riff-raff arrived at my house.He said he wanted to pursue this and for me not to throw in the towel. We had coffee in the kitchen with my son and younger brother, and then we had the most beautiful walk. Then in a feat of derring-do, I invited him to the movies that night, and kept my adorable little starfish hand on the space where the arm rest would have been, if I hadn't stealthily raised it when he went to get popcorn.There, I've said it: I wanted someone to text all day, and watch TV with.