for this beyond everyone being profoundly self-involved: as it turns out, talking about ourselves literally makes us feel good.
All it takes is a slight prompt and your new friend will take it from there.
One of the most popular tools in the pick-up artist toolbox is the opinion opener, asking strangers to give their opinions and advice about subjects from jealous girlfriends to 80s songs to whether men or women lie more. This is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect, after Franklin’s legendary technique for turning his bitterest rivals into his closest friends. There will be a greasy stain and people will look at it and say ‘that used to be a man’. ” Franklin would simply ask them for a favor – usually loaning him a book from their library.
Consider practicing these in the mirror; notice how different an innocuous phrase can seem when you’ve tilted your chin up vs. Keep in mind: this is a too quickly under normal circumstances – myself included.
It may be regional – people from Manhattan, the outer boroughs and New Jersey, for example – it may be an extroverted trait, or it may simply be that your brain runs faster than your mouth and you’re forever playing catch-up as your thoughts rocket along.
Just take a look at our social networks as we fill our days with Facebook status updates, Instagraming everything and tweeting about every aspect of our lives.
We’re playing to an audience, even if that audience is just the people from high-school that we’ve reconnected with because we wanted to see if they were still hot and/or single.
Franklin was taking advantage of an effect known as cognitive dissonance – the tension between the man’s attitude (“I hate Ben Franklin”) and the fact that he just did a favor for a man he disliked.
Our brains don’t like the tension; we prefer to at least So by asking a stranger for their help – getting some advice to settle a disagreement, wanting to know where they got those boots, what they think about the brand of phone they’re using – we’re asking them to do something nice for us. Another key psychological component to building rapport with someone is to remember that we instinctively like people who like . So one of the easiest ways to indicate that we like someone is to let them know we think they’re fascinating and that they have a lot to offer.
Tilting your chin down ever so slightly gives a feeling of being equal and approachable.
Similarly, a slight tilt to the side communicates friendliness and gives the impression that you like them.
The sort of person who can just sit down with someone and have them feeling like they’ve known you for even though you’ve only just met? We’ve talked a lot about charm and charisma before, and what it takes to be a more fascinating, magnetic person.