Women, on the whole, are far more discerning than men when it comes to physical attraction.In the linked Ok Cupid study, women think that 80% of men are BELOW average in attractiveness, when, in a normal distribution, that number should be 50%.
You are attracted to the wrong men for reasons beyond your control.
You need to rewire yourself on what it means to be in a healthy relationship.
However, I’m also aware having been through a lot of therapy after numerous and significant mental health difficulties (eating disorders etc.) that I tend to date cold or unavailable men and then not ask for more and maintain that emotional distance – essentially, I seem to have been in a habit of avoiding intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive, or more often than I’d like to admit, men who I know are gay before I even ask them out…otherwise they’re narcissistic or give mixed messages, or aren’t close in some way etc.
Knowing that I have that pattern, I made a promise to myself to pick up on coldness whenever I find someone attractive and to walk away.
And that is something I do – I look specifically for empathy.
And guess what…on those very rare occasions when the idea of kissing/sleeping with someone is not downright unappealing, they’re cold and narcissistic, and so I walk away.Let’s just say that this wasn’t one of my success stories.And this is where we bump up against one of my limitations of a coach.Just read what you wrote to me:“(I) avoid intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive.”Sorry, but I want to challenge that assertion.You avoid intimacy by going out with people you DO find attractive – because the only people you find attractive are, in your words, “cold and narcissistic.”That begins in your childhood, SG, usually with an absent, distant, or abusive father. The only men you’re drawn to are the worst ones; the other 99%, you eliminate because you’re not attracted to them.While they will still lust for the hottest woman around, they’ll ultimately marry someone in their league, which, empirically, is not always that attractive.