Dear April Masini," I am dating three different men and feeling a bit conflicted about it.
First of all, I haven't told any of them about one another, although exclusivity hasn't come up.
The next guy is a lot older than me and I have known him a year and a half.
Nothing has happened between me and him, mainly because he has a girlfriend. I don't know what to do, should I just forget the both of them? The second man is in a relationship, and you’ve known the first for a long while but neither of you have been able to take things further. Why do you think it might be you (or they) haven’t moved things any further in the time you’ve known each other?
I am sick of being torn between these two, is it time I move on, and how do I do this? Can you list for yourself what it is about both of these men you find attractive? You may want to write down how you feel about them and relationships generally in a diary or letters to yourself.
This may help you see if there are particular things you are attracted to in a potential date – or warning signs to avoid.
Could it be more realistic to see it as two relationships that haven’t developed but you feel unable to let go of. You could do this by reading the following books: You can also find examples of how you’d like your relationships to be in stories, films, or perhaps you could make a collection of images (clipped from magazines, newspapers etc) that represent what you’d really like from a relationship. If you feel you could do with some additional support, confidence or assertiveness courses could benefit you (your library or adult education centre will have details).
Getting out there If you’ve been caught up with your feelings about these two men it may take a while to move on.The conundrum that dating presents is that you may talk or go out with several men at the same time.The idea is that you don’t get too emotionally invested in one (especially because you have to assume he’s dating other people too), and you get the chance to know a few guys at once so that you can find exactly what you’re looking for.I’m going to help you learn how to choose between two men so that you pick the one who is more likely to end up being Mr. I am in my early 20's and I have feelings for two totally different guys. We became friends, but nothing happened between us, as I just never told him.Creating a relationship that suits you You asked about moving on.