He talked to me about odd topics, asking me unusual questions and giving me weird compliments. Mike was too thin, attractive and popular to like a fat girl like me.I rationalized that he talked to me because he enjoyed poking fun at me.I couldn’t understand why dating an overweight girl like me would interest anybody.
Though it would be interesting to know for certain, I’m glad I never clarified my relationship with Mike.Looking back, I hated myself too much to be able to give anybody else anything but hate.I was afraid he would realize how much work I needed.I was waiting for the moment when he would finally understand me and be repulsed. If you can’t love yourself, you won’t be able to understand why someone else would love you. I didn’t love myself and didn’t get much love from my distant family or friends. You can’t replace self-love with love from another.If you don’t know how to give yourself love, you’ll be clueless how to give it to anybody else. Rob’s ambition, smarts and dedication intimidated me.
I was still losing weight and learning to love myself when I met my husband, Rob. How could somebody such as Rob ever like (or love) a person like me?
I was interested in giving a relationship with Mike a try, yet I was afraid.
I was afraid of getting hurt if he wasn’t actually interested in me. Being open and honest with myself, let alone anybody else, was terrifying. I can only remember through the eyes of an obese, insecure teen girl.
Ignore other people’s tastes, don’t be manipulated by fashion and go for a nice girl who you find attractive.
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Yet I forgot the opinion that mattered most—my opinion of myself.